remain in light

cymorg:

1. The assumed: I hate you.
2. I have no fucking clue who you are.
3. You have hundreds of FB friends. Why would I add you and listen to you complain if my own complaints are just going to get lost in your sea of “friends”.
4. Offended because you think we’re friends? How many FB friends are you actually friends with? If you can be friends with people you aren’t friends with, I can not be friends with people even if I am friends with them.
5. I HAVE A FUCKING CELL PHONE. Honestly, it’s not as though FB is the beginning and end of my world. If I were stranded on a deserted island, the first thing I would ask for would not be Facebook, it’d probably be my cell phone (let’s assume I magically have service) so I can call 911.
6. Your facebook is a joke. I’m trying to be a better person and sassing your over-dramatic posts isn’t helping that cause.
       NOTE: This also makes this entire list remarkably ironic. 
7. Do I need to coordinate study sessions with you? If not, I don’t need you for anything currently important.
8. Do we share photos of adorable, baby animals? If not, I don’t need you on the internet.
9. I’m trying to avoid FB as much as possible. Mark Zuckerberg does not need any more of my money than he already does.
10. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-12479660
      This should say enough.
11. Do you have any red party cup photos? Yeah…
12. We get it. Facebook already says you’re in a relationship. You don’t need to say it too a million times over.
13. I mostly only have my FB to play Battle Tetris. Sorry.
14. Are you related to me? I still might not add you. So if you aren’t related to me, you almost certainly don’t stand a chance.
15. Do I have your cell phone number? Then I absolutely don’t need you on FB for any contact reasons.
16. Are you under the age of 16? I do not need to be the one to corrupt you. You have many years ahead of you filled with douchebags to do that for you.
17. I didn’t check my FB for like 3 months and then when I saw I had 5+ friend requests, I ignored all of them. Laziness is an outstanding trend in my life.
18. My life is disgustingly stressful already, humanity just adds to that, so let’s reduce the masses.
19. Do you tell me stories about unicorns when I’m sad? If the answer is no, then I don’t need to message you at 2 am.
20. Do you commonly throw summer parties? If not, I don’t need you for the events aspect of FB.
21. Do you post song lyrics? Not adding you.
22. Do you post BAD song lyrics? Definitely not adding you.
23. Do you post vague, philosophical things?
24. Are you super passive aggressive in your posts? Guess what, we all know who you’re talking about, and I do not want to get caught in that tornado.
25. Are you one of my roommates? If not, you stand less of a chance.
26. Do you take a lot of close-up photos of your face? I can see it in person, I don’t need to see it on a screen. If you’re going to upload FB photos, they better be funny as shit or from events that I can’t be a part of.
27. Do you have any FB “drama”? If you do, you’re doing FB wrong. I don’t wanna be FB friends with you.
28. Do you fish for compliments via posts? I will never be the one to bite that hook, so what do you want me for?
29. Do you speak in slang words? AKA have you ever said swag, baller, swoll, etc.? If so, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
30. The most contact we’ve had in the last year is a head nod in passing down the street or through other people.
31. Do you find this list more offensive than funny? This is only the tip of the iceberg of my personality. You probably shouldn’t be in constant contact with me if this is the case.
32. Do you only post about music or video games?
33. Will I get the impression that you’re in a cult from your page?

34. You post uncomfortably serious things. Add some humor to it and I can appreciate it, otherwise, I’m just going to gawk awkwardly from miles away.
35. Can you make a list this long about why we should be friends? I might reconsider then.

DISCLAIMER: Most of my friends in reality qualify for over half of these. I just hate people in internet form versus human form. Don’t take it offensively.

omfg brb dying morgan i love you